How to Combat Holiday Loneliness as an Ace, Aro or Aroace Person

The holidays can quietly intensify feelings of loneliness.

The holidays are often marketed as a season of togetherness—but for many ace, aro and aroace people, they can quietly intensify feelings of loneliness. When so much seasonal messaging centers on romantic partners, mistletoe kisses, or “finding someone special,” it can feel like there’s no space for people whose lives don’t revolve around sexual or romantic coupling. Add in family gatherings, intrusive questions, or the pressure to perform happiness, and the holidays can become emotionally exhausting rather than joyful.

Loneliness during this time doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It often means the world is still catching up to the many valid ways people connect, love, and belong. The good news: there are ways to soften the isolation and create a holiday season that feels more supportive, grounded, and genuinely yours.

Name the loneliness without judging it

One of the most powerful steps is simply acknowledging how you feel. Loneliness isn’t a personal failure, and it isn’t evidence that you need to change your identity, date more, or “put yourself out there” in ways that don’t feel authentic. For asexual people, loneliness often comes from invisibility—being surrounded by people while feeling unseen.

Try reframing the emotion: I feel lonely because I value connection, not because I’m lacking it. Journaling, voice notes, or even writing a letter to yourself can help you validate your experience without trying to immediately fix it.

Redefine what connection looks like

Holiday culture often prioritizes one type of relationship above all others. But connection doesn’t have to be romantic, sexual, or even constant to be meaningful. A deep friendship, a standing weekly check-in, shared traditions with chosen family, or even parallel solitude with someone else in the room can all be forms of intimacy.

Ask yourself what kinds of connection actually nourish you. Is it conversation? Shared activities? Being known and remembered? Once you identify that, you can seek or create those moments—whether it’s a low-key movie night with a friend, a group chat tradition, or volunteering alongside others.

Create ace-affirming spaces—online or off

For many asexual people, the holidays highlight how few spaces explicitly acknowledge or affirm ace identities. Seeking out ace-inclusive communities can make a profound difference. Online forums, Discord servers, social media groups, and virtual meetups often become lifelines during this season.

If in-person options are available and feel safe, attending LGBTQIA+ events or community gatherings—even ones not explicitly ace-focused—can still provide relief from heteronormative holiday expectations. Being in a space where your identity doesn’t require explanation can ease a lot of emotional labor.

Set boundaries around family and social expectations

Loneliness can be compounded by awkward or invasive questions: “Are you dating anyone?” “Why are you still single?” “Don’t you want a family someday?” Preparing gentle but firm responses in advance can protect your emotional energy.

You’re allowed to redirect conversations, keep answers vague, or opt out entirely. You’re also allowed to limit time with people who consistently make you feel unseen or invalidated—even during the holidays. Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out; they’re about keeping yourself safe.

Build small rituals that are just for you

When traditional holiday rituals don’t resonate, creating your own can be grounding. This might look like cooking a favorite meal on a specific day, taking a long winter walk, rewatching a comfort show, or dedicating time to a creative project. These rituals can anchor you when social connection feels thin.

Importantly, solitude doesn’t have to mean isolation. Choosing to be alone—on your own terms—can feel very different from feeling left out. Lean into activities that remind you that your time and presence are valuable, even when shared only with yourself.

Challenge the idea that partnership equals happiness

A major source of holiday loneliness comes from the implicit message that being partnered is the ultimate marker of fulfillment. For asexual people—especially aromantic or questioning folks—this narrative can feel alienating and false.

There are countless ways to build a meaningful life that don’t center a romantic partner. Your friendships, passions, community involvement, and inner world all matter. The holidays don’t get to define what a “complete” life looks like.

Reach out—even imperfectly

Loneliness thrives in silence. Sending a text, commenting in a group, or admitting “this season is hard for me” can feel vulnerable—but it often opens doors. You don’t need a perfect script or a dramatic confession. Even small moments of honesty can remind you that you’re not alone in feeling this way.

The holidays can be complicated for asexual people—but they don’t have to be empty. By honoring your identity, redefining connection, and giving yourself permission to opt out of expectations that don’t serve you, you can create a season that feels gentler and more affirming. Loneliness may still visit—but it doesn’t get to tell the whole story.