Navigating Conversations with Aromantic Individuals: Questions to Avoid

Like any identity, it is often met with curiosity, but certain questions can inadvertently invalidate an individual's lived experience or rely on outdated stereotypes.

Aromanticism is a romantic orientation characterized by experiencing little to no romantic attraction to others. Like any identity, it is often met with curiosity, but certain questions can inadvertently invalidate an individual's lived experience or rely on outdated stereotypes.

1. "How do you know if you’ve never tried it?"

This question suggests that aromanticism is a lack of experience rather than an orientation. Just as people of other orientations do not need to "test" every possibility to know their preferences, aromantic people have an internal understanding of their own attractions.

2. "Don’t you feel lonely without a partner?"

This assumes that romantic love is the only cure for loneliness. Aromantic individuals often have deep, fulfilling relationships with friends, family, and community that provide significant emotional support and companionship.

3. "Are you just afraid of commitment?"

Aromanticism is about attraction, not a personality flaw or a fear. Many aromantic people are capable of and interested in long-term commitments, such as Queerplatonic Relationships (QPRs), which are built on foundations other than romance.

4. "Is it because of a past trauma or a bad breakup?"

Attributing a person's orientation to trauma pathologizes their identity. While some people's experiences are shaped by their past, for the vast majority, aromanticism is an innate part of who they are, not a "reaction" to something negative.

5. "Don’t you want to be normal or have a family?"

Labeling the aromantic experience as "abnormal" is alienating. Furthermore, being aromantic does not preclude someone from wanting a family, raising children, or having a domestic life; they simply navigate those goals without romantic attraction as the primary driver.

6. "So, you’re basically just a robot or heartless?"

This is one of the most damaging stereotypes. Aromantic people experience a full range of human emotions, including platonic love, empathy, and compassion. The absence of romantic attraction does not equate to an absence of feeling.

7. "Have you had your hormones checked?"

This frames a valid identity as a medical problem to be "fixed." It is intrusive and ignores the fact that aromanticism is a recognized identity within the LGBTQIA+ spectrum, not a physical ailment.

8. "What if you meet 'The One' later?"

This dismisses the person's current self-knowledge in favor of a hypothetical future. It implies that their identity is just a "phase" they will eventually outgrow once the right person comes along.

Summary

When engaging with aromantic people, the goal should be validation rather than interrogation. Shifting the focus from "fixing" or "questioning" to understanding their unique perspective on love and connection fosters a more inclusive and respectful environment.