The "Double Pride" Guide: Navigating Pride Month as an Asexual Person of Color
For someone who is both asexual and a person of color (APOC), Pride can become an experience that requires one to navigate multiple forms of invisibility at once.
By Hanxue Jiang
Every June, cities fill with flying rainbow flags and celebrations with loud music and joyful marches. Yet the mainstream visual image of Pride month that aims to convey queer communities’ expression and liberation tends to be hyper-sexualized and even predominantly white. This does not represent the experience of everyone. People who do not easily fit into the dominant representation of queer communities might experience more confusion and loneliness rather than joy and pride. For someone who is both asexual and a person of color (APOC), Pride can become an experience that requires one to navigate multiple forms of invisibility at once.
The aseuxal community of color faces a unique erasure, for they might feel that they are “not white enough” and “not sexualized enough” for mainstream LGBTQ+ spaces, or “too queer” for traditional cultural communities. Navigating dual minoritized identities simultaneously is a form of Double Pride: people at this intersection can hold pride in both cultural/racial heritage and asexual (ace) identity, rather than having to force oneself into an identity’s stereotypical image or feeling left out because of one’s identities. True pride lies in reclaiming the narrative at the intersection of race and orientation, requiring tailored strategies for self-advocacy, community building, and joy.
Deconstructing the Intersection: Race, Culture, and Asexuality Are Not Always Separate
Discussions about asexuality often overlook race altogether. Much of the visibility surrounding the ace community and educational resources also typically focuses on the “definition” of one’s experience of a lack of sexual attraction. While this increased awareness has been valuable, it can unintentionally create the impression that asexuality itself is somehow disconnected from racial and cultural identity. It also overlooks how different people of different communities are navigating their experience as asexual individuals along their racial history and culture. In reality, the different identities a person holds often don’t exist independently of one another. For many people of color, historical stereotypes, family expectations, immigration experiences, religion, and cultural traditions all shape how intimacy and relationships are understood. Asexuality is therefore never simply a “separate” identity outside of race and culture.
The historical stereotypes of racial identities can make it difficult for one to justify or embrace one’s asexual identity. Their asexuality could be considered too “disconnected” from their racial image and culture. For example, certain communities are hyper-sexualized by society through racist stereotypes. Black women, Latina women, Indigenous women, and Asian women have all experienced different forms of racialized sexualization throughout history. This could make claiming asexuality as an “authentic experience” complicated. One might worry that others might perceive their asexuality as a coping mechanism against racial stereotypes rather than a genuine identification. Others might feel the pressure to express sexuality as a form of resistance, while identifying as asexual might feel like a rejection of cultural survival and empowerment.
On the other hand, certain groups are historically desexualized or infantilized, like East Asians, disabled people of color, and other marginalized groups. Their identification of asexuality might be dismissed because they are considered to be passive, repressed, childlike or undesirable. Individuals with these identities might hesitate to admit they are asexual because they fear they are feeding into racial and cultural stereotypes. They are likely to complicate the discomfort that defending “this is who I really am” for oneself causes, as it harms the representation of one’s community.
Outside of one’s own racial identities, the atmosphere of LGBTQ+ Pride events and spaces can also be alienating.
Large Pride festivals often emphasize nightlife, dating, hookup culture, and sexual expression. Though these reflect an important part of LGBTQ+ liberation for many people, ace attendees may feel disconnected or invisible, or even the pressure that they have to make themselves part of this culture to be truly “queer” and proud. Pride events that unintentionally center around white or Western cultural norms also tend to neglect the experience and culture of queer communities of color. Racial microaggressions, tokenization, or assumptions about one's background can make spaces feel less welcoming than advertised and mar the celebratory environment.
Navigating Mainstream Pride Events Without Losing Yourself
Attending Pride does not require participating in every event or embracing every aspect of celebration. You can choose what events make you feel safe and belong, and what activities and spaces make you feel that you can celebrate your identities, be it sexual orientation, or racial and cultural. Here are some strategies to navigate pride events without putting yourself at risk of discomfort and self-doubt:
Vetting Spaces for Intersectionality:
Research events beforehand. Many cities now host programming specifically centered on queer and trans people of color (QTPOC), disability justice, sober Pride celebrations, family-friendly gatherings, or ace- and aro-inclusive discussions. These spaces often provide a more intentional environment than large festivals alone. You can also try to identify spaces and groups with ace flags and symbols in larger parades and festivals if being in a smaller group feels stressful.
Managing "The Gaze:"
Some Pride celebrations tend to feature highly sexualized performances, revealing clothing, or energetic nightlife. While some aces are absolutely fine with this environment, others may find it very uncomfortable. So, understand that these do not define queerness, and that you have your own right to identify with who you are and what you authentically experience. Being “different” than the mainstream image does not mean you are wrong or do not belong here. Know that your clothing, style and ways of celebrating add more diverse and exciting representation to the Pride events and parade. If you feel pressured, you can always leave the parades early or find more open and inclusive events to attend.
Setting Boundaries:
You may also encounter intrusive questions about both race and asexuality from the broader LGBTQ+community. Know when to engage and when to step away, and remember that protecting your energy and mood in these events is more important than performing visibility. If non-ace people are approaching you with disrespect, you have the right to tell them that they are not respecting your identity and experience, and choose not to further engage with them. Remember that you are never obligated to become someone's educator during what is supposed to be a celebration. You can always simply respond with “I’d rather enjoy the event than explain my identity today” or “There are great educational resources available online if you're interested in learning more."
Cultivating Sacred Spaces: Finding and Building APOC Community
Pride is never limited to citywide general celebrations or to the month of June. The Pride Month celebration could be a perfect place to start building APOC communities that can connect, spend time together and support one another in the future.
The Power of Micro-Communities
You can always move beyond massive city festivals to seek out smaller, intentional spaces like QTPOC picnics, asexual-specific meetups. Starting or joining ace-themed bookclubs, discussion groups and other cultural events also helps the ace community to foster its culture and connections.
Digital Sanctuary
For those without local access to diverse ace communities, online spaces can be a valuable resource as well. You can search for hashtags, dedicated discord servers, and digital collectives specifically for asexual people of color and reach out to non-profits and see if they have online programs. Educational blogs or social media accounts can also be very convenient when you need to explain to others about asexuality without devoting too much time, energy and experience potential offensive questions, even if they are not ill-intended.
Bridging the Gap
Event organizers can work to introduce more ace concepts to racial/cultural advocacy spaces, and conversely, bring anti-racist dialogue into asexual spaces. Individuals attending these events can try to be more mindful and inclusive about people’s different forms of identities, culture, history and experience as well. You can also bring up relevant intersectional experiences in socials and discussions to raise awareness and open up the conversation.
Always treat each other with mutual respect and do not assume someone’s experience and identity simply based on their appearance. Be there for one another with attention and open-mindedness to recognize all kinds of lived experience, and avoid asking disrespectful questions even though they might be “just out of curiosity.”
